Worry worry worry

There is one thing I am constantly doing. It could be while I'm sleeping or even when I'm just hanging out having a good time. It's worrying. Evening, noon and night I am worrying about something. Most of the time its what other people think of me but then other times its money, relationships and friends.
Sometimes this worrying can turn into anxiety and that's when I know I have to do something about it. I usually sit down and try to recall how I started worrying in the first place. I usually can get down to the point but if I can't its just something else I can worry about. I don't know if its because I have an obsession with being a perfectionist or it has to do with the fact that I can't seem to make myself happy anymore.
Questions and questions go through my head and the answers are never clear or marked correctly. I see my life going in a certain direction and I obsess about getting to the point in my life where I can say I am successful an have made a nice like for myself. This can be a whole other story in itself. How much can one person worry, and this answer is all the time! I've been trying to find a way to get over this, but everything I do just ends where I began.
It always isn't just how I worry so much, I can actually make myself sick to my stomach from sitting there and over thinking too much. I can make myself believe things that may not be true and then other times I can want so bad to be different and change my perspective that I just start the worrying all over again!
I am aware that I need help in this department and that if I don't get help soon I may end up as an as old cat lady sitting in my rocking chair, so unaware of what is going on around me and so fucked up that I don't know which way is up!

I need to stop worrying, and now I'm worrying about that!

DFM

Rare like a diamond

A real friendship is not something you come across everyday and it's also not something you throw away. Many people think they know the meaning of friendship but unless your friendship has been tested you have no idea.
It's not just about being there for each other, its just like an actually dating relationships. There will be tough times and sometimes you may even want to quit, and those are the times you know that it's real.
I sit back and look at groups of friends from a distance and sometimes laugh because I see how they disrespect each other and how they are easy to give up that relationship for something new and new isn't always better.
I am one of those people that likes to be a lone quit a bit so I've never yearned for that kind of friendship, but that all changed this year when I met Danielle. I didn't have any intention of getting to know her but since we have the same name it all just came together. She is there for me when I need guidance and maybe it's not always what I want to hear but I always appreciate the honesty. She will rarely sugar coat things to make them sound better.
We are going through a rough time right now and our relationship is being tested constantly but we always come out in the end on top! We argue about a lot of things and we have a lot different views on things but somehow we always look at each others sides and try to reason with each other.
She has seen me at my highest and lowest point, and still sticks my my side. She laughs off when I'm being a bitch and understands that I screw up frequently. She is patient when I may not be, and relaxed when I'm crazed. She makes me smile when I'm sad and makes me laugh when nothing seems to be going my way. She's my best friend and that will remain the same.

She may get on my nerves and I may get on hers, But I don't mind, shes my best friend!:)

"Best friends are like diamonds, precious and rare
False friends are like leaves, found everywhere."

Stand Still, Look Pretty

"Stand Still, Look Pretty"
By Wreckers

I want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else
Sometimes I get so fed up
I don't even want to look at myself

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over

I am slowly falling apart
I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start
You might think it's easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty

Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night
And then it hits me and I can't
Even believe this is my life

But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
I'm not strong enough to deal with it

Change's in direction

All of my 18, nearly 19 years if life I have come to realize that no matter what you do and no matter how hard you try, you cannot change a person. You can want whats best for them and be there for them when they need you, but never change them.
I'm not saying that people can't change because everyone should welcome change in their lives.
Sometimes people get inspiration through others and learn lessons through teachings. For me I take a step back every once in a while and look at myself. I check to see if I'm being a good person and I'm living my life how I know I should be living it. But lately I've been quite messed up in this department. I've let people mold my life and structure it the way they feel fit. I haven't been living my life the way I had planned for me or taking a look at myself when I know I have done something wrong.
At this point in my life I've become very lost in who I am and what I intend the direction of my life to go in. I want for myself what everyone wants for themselves; love and happiness. I also want to be appreciated and appreciate others for who they are. There is nothing in my life I want more then to look back in 50 years and say "ya I did everything I wanted to, and I became a pretty decent person. I'm proud of myself"
People are always saying life is a journey and you choose your own paths and I believe this 100%. You have to look at life as a journey and yes once in a while you will come to some bumps in the road but like all things it can be accomplished and you can get through it. Everyone has it in them to accomplish whatever they want, all you have to do is work for it.

I see my path and I'm walking it, and I sure as hell don't mind:)

DFM

It will be okay.. I'm sure of it

I'm a thinker. I believe like most people things happen for a reason. And I most certainly believe for the most everyone is good and deserves a second chance. So then why do I feel like someone just took my heart, pulled it out of my chest and stomped on it and put it back?
Maybe I will never know what he's thinking or even know if maybe he is actually sorry for the things he has done. But I feel closure in knowing that I know I couldn't have done anything. He has lots of problems and they need to be sorted out by him alone. My guidance and insecurities could not be shared with him or understood by him at this point.
Although I know I have enough strength to get through times like this because I have before my mind tells me that you need to fix this, make it better, it cannot be left alone. But in all fact it does. I need to let time take my problems and at a later day come back to them with a positive attitude.
"People do wrong and people do right", and of course it may not always be the best thing for you, you will get through it and will come out alive. Shit happens to everyone and wallowing in self pity will never make you the strong person you need to be.
So I sit here today saying that I will not let my emotions out rule what I know I am and can be and I will not let them make me feel bad for things I cannot change. I will be strong in times of sorrow and will rejoice because I am alive and well. Yes I may shed a few years here and there and maybe sometimes the tears will pour like a waterfall, but in this I know I will get through it, I will overrule any bad thing in my life and will go on.

I may be upset and I may have red eyes from crying, but it's okay!

DFM

You're yes then you're no

Have you ever met someone and as soon are your eyes hit you new you would be together. You may have just met them or knew them for years, but in either case your mind knows before your heart does what you want.
I don't get that feeling very often, it has happened once in my life and that person was the most difficult to get over. But recently I decided that he was no longer a part of my life and I started seeing someone else. This guy isn't what you would call clean cut and he is definitely not someone
I would normally date. I usually stick to good guys, the kind that get all A's and know what they want to do with their lives. This guy doesn't know where he is going to be in a week and somehow it caught my interest.
He's broken but yet when I see him, he seems completely whole. I have that connection with this guy that I know doesn't come around often but as much as I try things don't work out. He pulls I push, I pull and he pushes. Nothing is ever even and nothing is ever right, but somehow it is. We hardly get along but that's, I guess, part of our charm. We don't agree to disagree and we never want to admit we were wrong.
Lately I've found that I will apologize to him even though I know its not my fault, and this is because I would rather him have his way then us to keep arguing about someone insignificant. I feel like this is somewhat a bad thing because now he never knows when I actually am upset or when I'm serious.
I realize that he has problems of his own and that I could never imagine what he's going through but I need to feel like I'm wanted and I need to feel like he cares about me. He used to write me notes everyday, make me cd's and give me secret codes to decipher, but in the last couple weeks this has changed. I don't get notes, I get ignored and I really don't appreciate being ignored.
I know if both of us tried I'm sure we would be okay but I'm getting the feeling he doesn't want to ..

Very confused about what to do and I'm not okay

DFM

Getting mad for 5 minutes!

Whenever I'm in a bad mood I may say some things I don't mean, but I will always say sorry right after. I can never let an argument go unsolved so my initial response is to apologize.
I got to thinking one day that I needed to break this habit, because I know that everything isn't my fault and I let people push me around a lot, but for me its one of the toughest habits to break.
Someone could start an argument with me, and we could disagree for hours, but as soon as they say they have to go I apologize, and I usually had forgotten who started the argument in the first place.
I'm one of those people that can get mad pretty easily. You could forget to call or just be late and I will probably not be happy. But although I get mad easily I also forgive easily and in a way that's a bad thing. It usually lasts over a span of five minutes. First I'll be red in the face because I'm so pissed then I'll feel bad for getting pissed off and then I'll start to apologize for pretty much nothing.
To some people I sound like a crazy person, but I just can't stay mad at someone. As hard as I try and as much as I want to still be mad at them I'm not.
I know for other people this isn't the case and some people can stay mad for long. This bugs me! Like how long could someone stay mad? A day, a month, a year! I don't understand how someone can hold that much anger towards someone. So even if I hate the way I react to some things I'm glad I'm not a grudge holder and I'm not stressing myself all the time because someone did something to me.

Let your anger out! Don't keep it in:)

DFM